A Chronicle of Marriage: The First Two Months
It seems like a lot has happened our first two months of marriage, I said, as I related everything to my sister-in-law. You should write a chronicle about it, she said, and put it on your blog.
So here it is:
We got married August 29, 2009. Getting married was the best decision I have ever made and the single most terrifying experience of my life. I hate being the center of attention, which does not bode well when you invite over 350 people to your wedding. The whole experience was rather bizarre: they tell you that your wedding is all about you, but it’s not – it’s about everyone else who wants to see you get married and talk to you and give you their advice. But none of the advice people gave me applied – I didn’t need to drink a ton beforehand so as not to faint, I had plenty of time to eat during the wedding, and I didn’t have to worry about talking to every guest because there were too many. Also bizarre was that a few things the wedding planner clarified ten million times with us “Just so I get it right,” weren’t done right – nothing big enough that anyone would notice, but big enough that to me it was curious. However, the fact that the DJ and photographer were absolutely amazing made up for everything. Amazing dancing and amazing dancing pictures are really what make a wedding. That and getting married.
Being on birth control made me have my period almost all the time. I’m sure you wanted to know that. But just for encouragement, I learned that you CAN make it through your worst nightmare. But it sucks. AND, ask the doctor to change your prescription.
The honeymoon was great but we got bored after three days. All you do is eat and sleep and read and go braindead. Honeymoons are just as bizarre as weddings. First, because it’s not real life. Half the excitement of getting married is that you get to live life together, and then you have to wait. Second, it’s very bizarre to be completely alone after the biggest event of your life while you know that everyone at home is talking, cleaning, debriefing, and thinking that you’re having this amazing orgasmic honeymoon time while really you’re just trying to recover from the best and most traumatic day of your life, not to mention all the days of planning it. By the time we got back home we were more than ready to unpack and move in and start real life.
It took three trips with Daniel’s truck to move all our gifts for the sole reason that stores wrap tiny bowls in big boxes. I drove Gus the cat over in my car. He didn’t like the carrier so I let him sit in my lap as I drove.
Our first week home I was scheduled to work every day when I had asked for the first week off. So I worked two jobs every day while Daniel unpacked the dishes, cleared the weeds, and up the house. It was a bizarre shift in roles.
One night we woke up to a horrible squeeling noise that sounded like a catfight in the walls. We looked for Gus and found him in a hole in the wall in the closet, traumetized. He was traumetized all day. We still don’t know what happened to him in the wall.
Daniel got Poison Oak. It was either from clearing the backyard or rubbing his face in the cat. His face swelled up and his arms and legs were patchy red. After a few awful days of this he bought an amazing cream for $40 and ounce that cleared it up immediately.
I got into a spinout on 17 when someone tried to pass another car and I was in the way. I lost control, hit the guard rail and hit the median where the car stopped. The first wave of cars avoided me, then I jumped out of my car and ran across the freeway to the pullout area. Then my car, apparently missing me, rolled backward across the freeway to my side, so I opened the door and pulled the E-brake. Then I called Daniel and AAA.
That Saturday we stayed inside all day, recovering.
I was a little emotional from everything and broke down at my violin lesson. I was going to have to quite because my life was too crazy and my schedule too unstable, but after a pep talk from my violin teacher I realized I just need to plan more. I hate times of transition – everything falls apart and I always forget to plan.
There was a crazy storm and the power went out for 1 1/2 days so we lit every candle we got as a wedding gift and had a scrabble by candlelight night.
Thanks to the crazy storm the corner of our bedroom got wet and molded. It smelled like mildew all week.
Thanks to the crazy mold, Daniel got sick.
At some point we visited Daniel’s grandma and uncle in Montana. The first thing Daniel’s uncle said to me was: “I don’t like lip rings.” Daniel’s Grandma said: “Well, after that last stretched back muscle I was in so much pain I didn’t think I was going to make it, but now I feel like I could live forever!” This is from the woman who is 90, can’t really hear or see, and has one leg amputated.
Someone asked us how long we’d been married. We realized our one month anniversary was the day before.
Daniel planted the garden and two days later the radishes started growing! Immediate gratification rocks.
Gus caught a lizard and brought it to us. I threw it outside and told him to eat it. He neatly laid it in the middle of the doormat.
Gus also likes to jump out of the bushes and scare you when you get home. Unfortunately for him, you can totally see him hiding. He doesn’t like being called out.
I fell when I went running. My knee bled like a little kid’s. I limped for a week. It took several weeks to heal.
One morning I woke up with a bladder infection and a flat tire. Bladder infections aren’t fun, but I can’t complain about the flat tire because two weeks earlier I realized there was a bolt in it and chose to keep driving on it anyway.
We are at war with our cat. He thinks we don’t feed him enough so he tips over the food bag last night and pigs out. So we spank him. So he throws the garbage everywhere. So we glare at him and cuddle him to death.
The house a few houses behind us burned to the ground. I find that phrase odd – burn to the ground – because in reality the house was drenched to the ground by the firefighters.
One morning we awoke to 900 having been withdrawn from Daniel’s account without his knowledge. It turns out his brother’s school overdrafted into his account for some reason. Luckily it wasn’t theft, but it still was a surprise.
Today is November 1. Now we see what this month holds.
About attitude
To quote from a series of Creativity Talks I’ve been listening to something that has nothing to do with creativity…
“If you don’t like what you see, why don’t you think about changing? Because I think all of us, whether we want to admit it to ourselves, are trying to make people behave the way that we think they should. Sort of messianic but we pretend it isn’t.”
-Edward Albee
Eyes are blind
“People,” said the fox, “have guns and they hunt. It’s quite troublesome. And they also raise chicken. That’s the only interesting thing about them. Are you looking for chickens?”
“No,” said the little prince, “I’m looking for friends. What does tamed mean?”
“…It means, ‘to create ties’…For you you’re only a little boy just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you have no need of me, either. For you I’m only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, we’ll need each other. You’ll be the only boy in the world for me. I’ll be the only fox in the world for you…if you tame me, my life will be filled with sunshine. I’ll know the sound of footsteps that will be different from all the rest. Other footsteps send me back underground. Yours will call me out of my burrow like music. And then, look! You see the wheat fields over there? I don’t eat bread. For me wheat is of no use whatever. What fields say nothing to me. Which is sad. But you have fair the color of gold. So it will be wonderful, once you’ve tamed me! The wheat, which is golden, will remind me of you. And I’ll love the sounds of the wind in the wheat. …Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes. …It’s the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important. …People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said. “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible for the rose…”
“I’m responsible for my rose…,” the little prince repeated, in order to remember.
*******
Slowly I hoisted the bucket to the edge of the well. I set it down with great care. The song of the bulley continued in my ears, and I saw the sun glisten on the still-trembling water.
“I’m thirsty for that water,” said the little prince. “Let me drink some…”
And I understood what he’d been looking for!
I raised the bucket to his lips. He drank, eyes closed. It was as sweet as a feast. That water was more than merely a drink. It was born of our walk beneath the stars, of the song of the pulley, of the effort of my arms. It did the heart good, like a present…”
“People where you live,” the little prince said, “grow five thousand roses in one garden…yet they don’t find what they’re looking for… And yet what they’re looking for could be found in a single rose, or a little water…”
“Of course,” I answered.
And the little prince added, “But eyes are blind. You have to look with the heart.”
Quote from an article Papa photocopied
“At the edge of your comfort zone, you meet the defining moment. You have two options at this front: 1) step forward in faith and power, or 2) retreat to your old life in fear. High achievers are comfortable with being uncomfortable.
“There are two areas of attention: the Intention and the Method. Ther Method is defined as how things are going to get done. The intention is the bigger picture. It is the what-to-achieve. Most people give roughly a 50/50 time split to each area. …High achievers…think differently. High achievers rarely do the 50/50 attention split. They harness their attention – 100 percent of their attention – on the Intention. They trust themselves to find the Method.
“High achievers do not clutter their minds with worry to prepare the perfect plan before taking action. A millionaire high achiever wisely stated, “Do the thing, and you will do the thing.” Do not wait to have detailed ironed out. Take action today. Failure helps you do better each time as you keep going toward your intention. How many filaments did Edison try? How many prototype planes did the Wright Brothers make?”
-Solange C. Dao, “The Bent of Tau Beta Pi” Magazine
It reminds me of a quote I alway keep on my wall that has come up a bit lately:
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horrow. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
-Eleanor Roosevelt
It’s been crazy
It’s been crazy lately:
I did my laundry for the first time since getting married. That’s three and a half weeks, ha. It’s still not all folded yet though because Gus keeps sitting on it.
I spun out on 17 when a stupid driver tried to pass another car and I was there. It’s completely God’s grace that I’m alive. I hit the guard rail and the median and ended up facing traffic. I got OUT and over to the pull out area. My car missed me so it followed: it rolled backwards across the lanes and right over to me, so I reached in and pulled the ebrake. We were both fine, but if you see my lisence plate, please pick it up.
We got a new camera! Yay wedding gift cards. It has a special setting for pictures of food, how wierd is that? We tried it out on sushi.
And lastly, Daniel had an amazing scrabble play, using all his letters and spelling perhaps not the most appropriate word in the church cafe. In this one play he got more points than I did in the whole game.
The end.
The pictures are here! The pictures are here!
Our photographer is amazing.
Finally…
Finally married!
Finally moved in!
Finally an update!
I could go on, but I’m sure you’re more interested in seeing our cat, Gus:
Our sentiments exactly. Why is relaxing on a honeymoon so exhausting? By the end we were so tired of eating and sleeping and doing nothing that we couldn’t wait to get back and move into our new house. And why do they box small bowls in huge packages? Other peoples’ efficiency could have saved us a few trips and Gus the exhaustion of playing with so many ribbons.
The progression:
He is very good at what he does.
Anyway, if you are in the area, you should come over sometime and meet Gus and our cow creamer. We’d love to have you.
I didn’t marry you because you were perfect…I married you because you
gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults.
And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect
people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage.
And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that
protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them – it was that promise.
Thornton Wilder, The Skin of Our Teeth
I do not understand life
I do not understand life.
There was a homeless guy at church cafe all day yesterday while I was working and he was harmless, paid for his drinks and watched TV, kinda talked to the customers about selling Amway stuff but didn’t hassle too many people, probably because we only had about 5 people come in my WHOLE shift. He told me he was a messenger and wanted to teach classes here. He said he wanted to teach a class about communication which I found ironic because he wasn’t a good listener and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I was nice to him and gave him some extra pastries at the end of the day. I found him sleeping on the cement patio this morning when I opened the cafe. When people arrived for church he began talking to every one that walked by, and even set up a table trying to sell stuff. He even followed this OTHER homeless lady into the cafe telling her he just is “trying to make you feel comfortable. That’s my job.” She was obviously uncomfortable. They had to ask him to leave because he was bothering people. They had to get a cop to escort him out.
I don’t understand this world. We are supposed to take care of the homeless, provide for those who have no money, but what if they’re not mentally fit? Something was obviously wrong with him. But shouldn’t the church take him in? Or help him? Or clean him up? Or take him somewhere that can? What about when most homeless people want to be that way?
My fiancee’s church took in a homeless man last year and some people housed him and helped him clean up. He was a talker and smart and apparently had left home to go to California to die, because he had cancer, and not enough money to do anything about it, and didn’t want his family to suffer. He joined their Bible Study and this went on for a year until one day he disappeared and they couldn’t find him. They somehow found his mother’s number and called to see if she knew where he was, and she told them that everything he told them was a lie – he did not have cancer, he was not who he said he was, etc. It was heartbreaking for them.
Are we called to help the people that lie? That are crazy? That you can’t trust? That you don’t know if you can trust? That turn their backs on you? Even if it jeopardizes your own safety? What about the people that helping will not make a difference for, because they are not going to change – something mentally if off about them…?
Didn’t Jesus say to take care of the poor? To show them compassion and mercy? To love them? And what the heck does loving them even look like? Just being kind to them? Taking them in and cleaning them up? Giving them money? Ultimately isn’t love doing what is best for the other person? Does that include kicking them off church grounds, if it is best for them? And IS it best for them? Or is it that it’s best for everyone else, and is that an okay higher grounds?
I do not understand these things. I want to help people, but I don’t have a heart for the homeless. I have a heart to be nice, to treat them with dignity and respect because all humans deserve that (at least until proven otherwise). Sometimes I hate being a girl because I feel weak – if he were to attack me I probably wouldn’t do the right thing. So that makes helping him a little hard, if I want to keep myself safe. But I have to admit that even if I were I guy, I still probably wouldn’t help him. I’m a sinner.
So what do you do? With those people who see life differently and walk to different rules? With people who handle those people differently than you would? What’s the RIGHT thing to do?
Like all things, overall there isn’t ONE answer. It’s situational. I’m finding that life is that way. That’s why we need wisdom to handle each different situation, not one rule to apply to every situation.
There is this one homeless (I think) lady who comes early every sunday and hmms and haws over the pastries the same scrunch-faced way every morning and always ends up ordering the same thing and it CRACKS ME UP. Some people know her and sit with her but she is kinda in hor own world. But they let her stay, and this offers me hope.
But it also bothers me because the only reason we let her stay is because she doesn’t bother people and makes no demands upon us except to improve our patience.
I really do not understand this world.
So I looked up “poor” in the Bible.
In the Old Testament, it seems mostly to speak of JUSTICE to the poor – to treat the poor well and not take advantage of him:
Jeremiah 22:15-17 15 “Does it make you a king to have more and more cedar? Did not your father have food and drink? He did what was right and just, so all went well with him. 16 He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?” declares the LORD.
Proverbs 31:8-10 8 “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. 9 Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Leviticus 19:15 “‘Do not pervert justice; do not show partiality to the poor or favoritism to the great, but judge your neighbor fairly.”
To treat them fairly and equally, because we are all humans.
Proverbs 14:31 31 He who oppresses the poor shows contempt for their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.
In the New Testament, it continues with the Justice, but also themes Jesus as the savior of the poor, and churches contributin monetarily to the poor.
Luke 4:17-19 17The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: 18″The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, 19to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”
Romans 15:25-27 25Now, however, I am on my way to Jerusalem in the service of the saints there. 26For Macedonia and Achaia were pleased to make a contribution for the poor among the saints in Jerusalem.
Luke 14:12-14 12Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. 13But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, 14and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.”
James 2 1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don’t show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,” 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts? 5Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong? 8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, “Love your neighbor as yourself,”[a] you are doing right. 9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.
In the end, Jesus saves the poor. WE DO NOT. We can help them, but we can only do so much. Like all humans, we must help ourselves. In the end, they will answer to God for themselves. And in the end, we will too. And how the two relate – that’s between you and God.
I only hope that my little thoughts can shed some light on this issue, though I think it brought up more questions than answers.
The hills have many faces
It has been a random week and I’d like to share.
This was the sunrise the other morning, reflecting off the roof of my car. This is why I don’t mind getting up early to open up at the cafe.
This is Gus. I thought the patterns were interesting.
This is the dead badger we saw on the side of the road. This is SO RARE, we NEVER see badgers in the hills because they’re shy, ferocious, and nocturnal.
Look at his claws! They’re over an inch long. We made the car stop s0 my uncle (who did taxidermy in high school) and I (a science camp teacher) could investigate while my mom and aunt (not taxidermiests or animalist) sat in the car and waited. But don’t worry, he’s in Badger Heaven…NOT to be confused with Badger Hell.
Then we saw turkies crossing the field. (Can you see them?) The turkies’ daily routine involves passing through our yard so this is nothing new and exciting for me, but I thought you, reader, who perhaps doesn’t see turkies every day, might like it. The day of the dead badger and turkies I also saw multiple deer, multiple baby lizards no longer than your thumb, hawks and vultures, 2 coyotes in the graveyard at the bottom of the hill, and a raccoon with 2 baby raccoons. It was quite the animal day.
On the way to work this morning the mist drops made cool lines in itself on the car’s windows.
This is the tractor and his child the plow that sit atop the hill by where I live. I do no know whose they are and hey have been there as long as I can remember. I like how they always sit there surveying the hills. They are beautiful rusty old things that can’t do anything but sit there and enjoy the view.
And this was the view tonight. This evening was one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve seen living up here in the hills. You could see the outline of San Francisco impeccably – in this picture it is located just above the word “sunsets” in the previous sentance.
The sunset made the hills do this. The hills have many faces and every day they are different in color and expression and to some extent it dictates my mood. The hills are beautiful and I am so blessed and lucky every day I get to live here. I just thought I’d share.
And this is my mom’s cat with one of the huge zucchini from Daniel’s place. It is probably only half the size of the biggest ones. The cat did not like it taking up his bed. I used the zucchini to make an amazing zucchini bread recipe found here: Mom’s Zucchini Bread; and zucchini brownies found here: Zucchini Brownies. You should try them out, they are delicious.
So that’s been my week so far, and I actually had my camera with my to share it, and the crazy staying-up-lateness to post it.
